Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
sarcasm needs its own font
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
