He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
