Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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