Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
