There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
