you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
