Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
