Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
