His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
