yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Randomize
