I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
