so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
