i don't like sucking hair
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
