Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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