hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
