accomplished twins. life is a go
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wear drunk well.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
