i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
