one two three fourrrrnication!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
