So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
