I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I could fuck to npr.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
