It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
