This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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