i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
