After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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