its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
