Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
