Only a mothe r could love this liver
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
