My hand turned me down
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
