never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
