it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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