His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
