guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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