I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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