I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
