used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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