i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
