I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
