Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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