Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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