Your mouth is God's brothel.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
