i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
