Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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