I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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