Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
