Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
