HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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