In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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