Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
