the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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