Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
