I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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