why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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