my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
