Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
